Here Comes the Bride, All Dressed in…Nature?

9 Jun

I am going to rant about wedding gowns. Wee!

I was flipping through a gallery on AOL on new wedding gowns by the “designer people”. If  could guess, the dresses were probably about 100k+, so basically, more than my actual wedding would (theoretically) cost. Ouch.

Not only were the expensive, but I HATED ALL OF THEM. EW EW EW EW EW. 12/14 of the dresses were strapless. I hate strapless wedding dresses. The calculated says that that is around 86%. Sheeesh!

Secondly, a lot of the dresses were exceptionally impractical. Let me explain. For each dress, by the way, I’ll try to paint a funny little story about them.

First off:

As the bride floats down the isle in her trendy, costly, black dress, her sister-in-law-to-be leans over to another bridesmaid, whispering, “Ew…Black?? Girl, what’s wrong with her?” The little boy sitting behind the bride’s mother says, quite loudly, “Look Mommy! She has butterflies on her! But…they look dead!! Mommy, are those butterflies dead? I don’t want there to be dead butterflies!!” The dark wedding dress painting the wedding more like a funeral than a happy time of vows.

Yeah. Black dress for a wedding? Sorry, but who in their right mind would actually wear that to their wedding?

Well…Onto the next monstrosity.

As the bride edgily strutted down the aisle in her hugely expensive dress, and as the groom starred at her, thinking, “What the heck is she wearing?!”, the bride felt something brush up and tangle in her hair twigs. “OW!!” shrieked a little girl sitting on the pew. “MOMMY!!! THE NATURE IS IN MY HAIR!!!! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!” The child pulled hard to try to get her hair out of the sticks, but in the process pulled the sticks from the bride’s hair, her ‘do collapsing.

Well, at least it’s not strapless. But halter-top is a pair of scissors away from being strapless. And the whole nature in her hair…What’s up with that?! I don’t like the little tight dress with the frilly at the bottom; I think that’s called “Mermaid” style or something. Uggh.

Want to see a good wedding dress?

This is a pretty wedding dress. Not too weird, it’s normal, and it’s pretty.

That one is pretty too. It’s normal and it probably costs considerably less than halter-top-nature.

So, moral of the story: I don’t like “modern wedding gowns”. I like the big fluffy “old-school” kinds without dead butterflies or looking like a funeral dress or halter tops/strapless stuff.

The end.


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5 Responses to “Here Comes the Bride, All Dressed in…Nature?”

  1. Bluee June 9, 2010 at 10:26 am #

    True, true. I agree with you completely! My sisters made me watch this show called “Say Yes to the Dress”. It’s about brides choosing wedding dresses. One of them was a little ….uh- inappropriate. She requested it. Most of them are icky. 😛

    • smlaarg June 9, 2010 at 10:28 am #

      Yeah, that show is “interesting” at best.

  2. Martin II June 9, 2010 at 12:43 pm #

    “Mommy, there’s a serial killer walking down the aisle!” “Hush, Bobby.”

  3. Bluee June 9, 2010 at 8:23 pm #

    “Mommy, are we at the right wedding?! The bride is all creepy and…gothic!”

  4. Bluee June 10, 2010 at 7:56 pm #

    “I see dead people…”

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